Innocence
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Atobe found Marui on the corner of a street. Marui wanted to die, but for some reason, Atobe couldn't kill him. He learned to care somewhere along the way, and that's never a good thing. That was when he found Akutsu.
1. Part 1

A/N: Wow! Three down, and...many more to go, actually. The crack is not yet complete! I'm beginning to think it's never going to be complete, actually. Just when I finish one story, another idea comes to me. This series is going to be a lot longer than I'd intended. I hope that I can keep your interest...

Some of this story overlaps with "Stained with Blood" because it begins before Oshitari left Atobe's gang, and finishes some time after. Therefore, a couple of sections will have repeated dialogue, but this time with Atobe's PoV.

Warnings: Character death(s) (for which I am eternally sorry...), violence, immoral stuff, much angst, torture...etc. etc.

This story is possibly the most depressing yet. It's about Atobe, his pet, and a man that shows up out of nowhere and...well...you'll see.

Warlords #4:

Innocence

Part 1

Atobe did not often wonder what life would be like if he hadn't been born into the gang. He did not often hate his life, either, but once in a while, he would wonder why he'd ever been born at all. Sometimes the responsibility of taking care of his gang was too much to handle. Sometimes, he found himself reflecting on what a beautiful man like himself might be doing if he wasn't living on the grimy streets of the broken-down part of the city.

Sometimes, he was a little tired of sleeping in a condemned building that had very few windows, and doors that wouldn't lock.

-----

Atobe found Marui when he was seventeen years old. He had been the leader of the gang for four years already. He knew he was a good leader, and the gang was prospering because of him, but it had made him grow up long before he should have had to. He was not bitter, or sad; that was just the way things were. He did not know what it was like to be a carefree normal child, so he did not miss it.

Marui was a pathetic sight. He was dirty, his clothes were tattered, and he was curled up into a little ball on the curb of a broken street. He was crying, and it looked as though he had been crying for a long time.

"What are you doing?" Atobe demanded. This was _his _street, and he would not tolerate outsiders. This was the part of town where the gangs could roam free; this was the part of town that normal people were too scared to come to.

Marui looked up at him then, with haunted eyes, and Atobe almost took a step back. He could not even begin to comprehend the emotion in those eyes -- he had never felt anything that strong himself.

"I have nowhere else to go," Marui said. "There's nothing left."

The voice was so dull and lifeless that Atobe almost felt sorry for the boy. He was about a year or so younger than Atobe himself, but mentally, they were worlds apart. This boy had lost some of his innocence in tragedy, and it was tearing him apart.

"What happened?" Atobe found himself asking. He had to know what could make this boy _feel_ so strongly.

"My parents. They were murdered, right in front of me. They tried to kill me too, but I ran away."

Atobe still could not fathom the emotion the boy was feeling. His parents had been killed right in front of him, as well; but it was just the way things were in the gang. Anyone could die at any time. That was the main reason he never let himself get attached to anyone. It was easy not to get attached. He knew it would be hard to lose someone special.

"They...those men killed them! I don't even know why, I'll never know why!" Marui was crying harder. Atobe made no move to comfort him. Comfort would make no difference to him.

"Do you want to die?" Atobe asked. The boy had run away from the murderers, but that was purely by instinct. His parents had probably died to protect him, and allow him the chance to escape.

"Yes," Marui replied.

Atobe aimed his gun at the boy's head. "I can kill you right now."

"Do it."

Atobe could not pull the trigger. He could not shoot the boy who was looking up at him with those haunted eyes, so full of emotion.

"Come with me," Atobe said, putting the gun away. "Join my gang. Live on, for a while. You'll probably be miserable in this life, but you will be alive. That's what your parents wanted, isn't it?"

Atobe knew that this was the worst thing he could have done. The kid was freaking out over two deaths; Atobe had seen much more than that. He had killed many more people than that. This kid was going to be ruined.

Yet, he could not kill him. He could always just leave him here to die, but...

"They wanted me to live," Marui whispered.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Marui."

"Marui." Atobe extended a hand. Marui took it.

-----

Atobe had never dealt with someone so...innocent, before. The kid was at least fifteen or sixteen, but he did not understand some of the basic facts of life. It caused Atobe some embarrassment on more than one occasion, the worst of which being when Marui happened to walk in on he and Oshitari in the middle of a compromising situation.

The kid had refused to look Atobe in the eye for a week. When he'd finally calmed down enough that he would actually let Atobe speak to him, Atobe had a good deal of explaining to do, starting with how men _could_ sleep with other men, if they really wanted to -- and it wasn't wrong, or disgusting, like society had tried to tell him. It just...was.

Marui thought about Atobe's words for a while, and finally accepted them as truth. Atobe found himself vastly relieved.

Marui did not, however, stop walking into his room late at night without knocking. He suffered from terrible nightmares, full of bloody memories of his parents' deaths. The only way he could get back to sleep seemed to be by curling up next to Atobe under his covers. Atobe was not used to people sleeping in his bed; when he and Oshitari were finished, Oshitari always went back to his own bed, and his cousin, Mukahi. The odd time he chose to spend the night with Jiroh, the other man usually ended up sleeping at his feet, like some sort of dog, because Atobe could not stand to have someone lying next to him. It would feel too much like an attachment, then.

When Marui did it, though, Atobe did not have the heart to kick him out. The poor kid would never get any sleep if he did.

------

Atobe stopped having affairs with his gang members about a year after Marui arrived. It was too inconvenient, when Marui usually ended up sleeping in his bed. Marui did not mind anymore if he walked in on something; he just turned around and walked back out. However, when that happened, Marui left him alone for the rest of the night.

For some reason, Atobe never slept well when Marui was not there.

Atobe knew he was growing too attached to Marui, who had become almost like a pet to him. He knew it, but he could not help it. The way Marui smiled at him, sometimes; the way Marui ate candy with such enthusiasm made Atobe's icy heart melt, just a little. The innocence broke up the monotony of his life, just a little.  
  
TBC


	2. Part 2

Part 2

Atobe had ordered Oshitari a long time ago not to be so brutal in front of Marui, but Oshitari was not one for following orders. Oshitari was known throughout all the gangs as Death itself, because he was absolutely ruthless. Atobe could remember a time when Oshitari had been a rather nice little boy, but he'd also had to grow up long before his time. He was a part of the gang, after all.

Now, Oshitari scared Atobe. Atobe was not frightened by many things, but the look in Oshitari's eye when he killed someone was nothing short of terrifying.

The corpse that lay before him now was nothing short of disgusting.

"It was a bit overkill," Atobe said. "I've told you not to do...that in front of Marui."

"You're just as ruthless as I am, when you need to be. The man attacked me first. I don't need your lectures."

"Don't talk back to me," Atobe warned.

"I wouldn't dream of it, leader."

"Atobe...is it over?" Marui asked. His voice was so small and pathetic that Atobe almost felt like scooping the poor boy into his arms. He was nineteen years old now, but the death still made him sick. The gang fights still made him cry. His nightmares still brought him to Atobe's bed, three years later.

"Yes, it's over. Let's head back." The three had been out on a mission to steal some food, and had encountered a mugger who thought he might get lucky by attacking them. The mugger no longer had a face.

"Marui...this is the way gang life is," Atobe said, quietly, so that Oshitari would not hear. He did not want Death in on the conversation, if he could help it.

"He scares me, though. He reminds me of my parents's murderers."

"There is one fundamental difference," Atobe said. "He only kills those who threaten his life. It may not be right, but it's how we live."

"I know, but...I don't like it. I don't like that you have to live that way," Marui said. "Why should anyone have to live that way?"

"You're from the outside," Atobe said. "You were born into a perfect world, Marui. We were born here, and this is all we know."

"That makes me so sad," Marui said. "I want to take you away from this life."

"You have no place left in the outside." Even if Marui had, Atobe would have never been able to go there. He was far too stained by this world to enter another.

He was almost touched that Marui had said something like that, though. The innocence was refreshing, indeed.

-----

Atobe was not sorry to see Oshitari leave the gang. He was a valuable fighter, but more than anything, Oshitari needed to escape from the gang world before he truly lost his mind. It would be a truly frightening day when Oshitari went crazy. He would probably have ended up killing everyone from all of the gangs, and rendering them extinct all on his own.

Atobe was sorry when Mukahi died, though. His gang was getting smaller and smaller all the time, and Mukahi had also been a valuable fighter. His heart wasn't in anything after Oshitari left, though. His death was inconvenient, but not surprising.

"Are you sad?" Marui asked, the day that Mukahi died.

"No. I'm never sad," Atobe replied.

"Everyone gets sad."

"Not the leader of a gang."

"Would you be sad if I died?"

The question took Atobe by surprise. He found himself thinking about it. What would he do if Marui died? The answer was...

"Get out of my room, Marui. I don't want you to come back here," Atobe said, coldly. He had allowed himself to become far too attached to the kid. Would he be sad if Marui died? Yes, he would be very, very sad. Atobe did not want to know what "sad" felt like.

Marui was shocked. He did what he was told, but he gave Atobe the saddest look when he left that room. Atobe's heart almost broke.

It was always "almost" when Marui was involved. Almost was too much. That had to be remedied.

-----

Atobe found Akutsu when he was twenty years old. He was standing on the very curb where Atobe had found Marui, three years before. He was not curled into a ball and sobbing; he was smoking something that was definitely not a cigarette.

"Who are you, and what are you doing on my street?" Atobe demanded. This man was by no means pathetic, and he wasn't going to feel sorry for _him_. He looked like a fellow thug. Atobe could not recognize the face, though; he'd probably never seen the man without his motorcycle helmet.

"Oh, is this your street? Too bad," Akutsu said. "I'll stand where I like."

Atobe grabbed a handful of the man's shirt. The joint fell to the ground, forgotten, while Akutsu glared at Atobe.

"What gang are you from?" Atobe asked.

"I'm not from any gang."

"Who the hell are you, then?"

"Akutsu Jin, and my gang has been extinct for weeks now," he said. "The idiot leader got himself and the rest of them killed."

So, he was lost, and without a purpose.

"Join my gang, then. I could use more members." More members that he wouldn't get attached to.

"Why the hell should I?"

"I'll kill you if you don't," Atobe replied.

"Why would I want to live?"

"I don't know, nor do I care. The choice is yours."

Akutsu laughed. It was a hollow, disturbing laugh. "So besides my life, what's in it for me if I join your gang?"

"I'll let you share my bed," Atobe replied. That would be the best way to keep Marui away, after all.

Akutsu laughed again. Atobe let go of his shirt.

"So, what is your answer?"

"Show me the way to your gang, leader," Akutsu said.

Akutsu was not a gentle man. He bruised Atobe's fair skin more often than not. Atobe did not care. His skin was too fair for the life he led, anyway. A few bruises were welcome.

Atobe saw less and less of Marui. He took Akutsu with him wherever he went. Akutsu became his new pet; his challenge. He tried to tame him, most times without success. Akutsu rarely followed orders, and it caused close calls more than once.

Atobe did not care. Marui stayed away, and that was what he had wanted in the first place.  
  
TBC


	3. Part 3

Part 3

Jiroh liked Marui, and always had. He was a nice kid, and stayed so innocent through everything; no one could dislike him. He'd become the pet of the entire gang, not just Atobe.

Jiroh did not like to see Marui depressed, but that was the case, these days. It was Atobe's fault, for bringing home the strange man Akutsu, and letting him take over Marui's place in his life.

"Marui, you should cheer up," Jiroh said. "Atobe's just like that. He doesn't let anyone close to him. He really cares about you, though."

Jiroh did not even know if that was true, but he hoped that it was. He had never been able to read Atobe right. Atobe was a good leader, and cared about his gang; at least, he had, at some point. Now that Akutsu was around, he did not seem to care how they fared in a fight.

"He wouldn't even be sad if I died," Marui said. "I asked him that. I wanted to know. He told me to go away, forever. If he hates me so much, why didn't he kill me back then?"

Jiroh put an arm around Marui's shoulders. "He doesn't hate you. I think his problem is that he likes you too much."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I said, Atobe never lets anyone get close. You got very close to him, and he didn't like it," Jiroh said. "Don't hate him for it."

"I don't hate him. He saved me. I..."

"Aw kid, you shouldn't have fallen in love with him, either," Jiroh said. "I'm sorry."

Marui just gave him a helpless look.

"You should go back to the outside, kid. I'm sure there is someone there who's been looking for you, who cares about you enough to look after you."

"They would have given up long before now. Besides, I'm not a kid anymore. They'd expect me to get by on my own. I don't want to go back out there," Marui said. "This is where I belong, now."

How could such an innocent belong here? Well, it was his choice.

-----

Atobe was almost used to Akutsu trying to strangle him in his sleep. He did not know why Akutsu did it; but when he woke, and tried to stop it -- Akutsu would always stop, lay back, and light up a cigarette.

It had become just another constant in his life with Akutsu.

Six months after he'd discovered Akutsu, Akutsu revealed his true nature. Six months after Atobe had begun trying to forget about Marui, the unthinkable happened.

"Hey, Atobe. Walk with me," Akutsu said, in that rough voice of his. Atobe did not follow orders given to him by anyone -- but for some reason, whenever Akutsu told him to do something, he did it. He hadn't tamed Akutsu; Akutsu had taken him over.

He hated it, but at least Marui left him alone now.

Atobe followed Akutsu to the very curb where they had first met. The curb where he'd first found the pathetic form of Marui, nearly four years ago.

"I wasn't sure when we first met, since I was high, but I'm sure now. I remember you," Akutsu said.

"Remember me?" They'd never met before that day.

"Yeah. Not you personally, but your gang. The guy I really remember isn't there anymore. I hope he's dead."

Atobe had no idea where Akutsu was going with this.

"The guy who killed Dan Taichi. Dan was a lot like your little pet Marui. I tried to ignore him just like you try to ignore yours, you know. He always kept coming back, though. He was a damn annoying kid, and then that guy from your gang killed him."

Akutsu was probably talking about Oshitari, then. Oshitari had killed a lot of people, some who never deserved it.

"I'll never forget him. He was big, and ugly, and you ordered him to do it."

Akutsu was not talking about Oshitari, he was talking about Kabaji. Kabaji had been Atobe's second-in-command, many years ago, right after Atobe had become the leader of the gang. Kabaji had died not too long after, protecting Atobe.

Atobe never let anyone protect him anymore.

"I don't remember this Dan Taichi." That was not surprising. It was hard to remember people, after living in the gang so long. People came and went.

"Why would you?"

"If it was a gang fight, then what choice did I have?" Atobe asked. "Really, you should know better than to get attached to someone in a gang."

"You know all about that, right?" Akutsu laughed. "Well, how would you feel if I killed your little pet?"

Atobe narrowed his eyes. "Don't touch Marui."

"See what I mean? I've already touched your dear Marui. I killed him."

No.

Atobe did not doubt Akutsu's words for a moment, but...no. This wasn't happening.

"I killed your little pet, and now I'm going to kill you."

Atobe did not even try to stop Akutsu when he pulled out the knife and advanced. He stood, and waited silently for his death. Maybe he deserved it, if he'd been responsible for the death of Akutsu's friend. Someone that Akutsu had tried not to care for, as Atobe tried not to care for Marui.

Akutsu suddenly slumped forward, and landed on his face on the ground. There was a knife in his back.

Marui stood behind him, with blood on his hands.

"I..."

Marui wasn't dead, but this was so much worse, somehow. Marui had killed someone to save Atobe's life.

Atobe had never wanted to die before.

"Marui." Atobe wrapped the boy in his arms. He would never let go again, no matter what. He would never let any harm come to the person he had learned to care for so much.

Atobe wanted to say he shouldn't have done that. He wanted to turn back time, and he wanted to be the one with the knife in his back; and he wanted Akutsu to have been the one to put it there.

He couldn't turn back time though, and if he said anything right now, Marui would probably die from the guilt.

"I'll never push you away again," Atobe said, instead.

"I'm sorry," Marui said, and he began to cry. He was probably the only member of the gang with tears left.

No, that was a lie; Atobe had tears left. He could feel them now, falling onto his cheeks.

"For as long as we both live, I won't let you go," Atobe said. He meant that, with all of his melted, broken heart.  
  
-owari-


End file.
